“Angry Black Woman” is really a thing and it bothers me so much that this is the stereotype. Especially for women who choose not to allow people to treat them any kind of way. Solange said it best; “when a black woman stands up for herself, suddenly she has an attitude problem.” I believe that you have to show people how to treat you or they will run over you. I am not a mean, sensitive, or an emotional person because I am vocal about what I will not allow. Sidenote: telling a woman she’s emotional is the dumbest thing ever. Especially when it comes from another woman. Just because you’re a heartless, insensitive being doesn’t make me “weird” for reacting to situations differently from you. I mean, our genetic makeup is different from men for a reason….but I’ll stop there because this isn’t biology class.
“Black women are crazy.” Are we really? Or are men upset that we won’t allow them to get away with being liars, cheaters, and manipulators? Is “crazy” subjective or is there a general definition for what makes men label black women this way? Maybe the way we approach situations at times is a little much but that is where communication should come into play. If you feel disrespected, express that. Let her know how you would like to be approached instead of labeling her as insane.
I had a conversation with a friend once about the correlation between successful women and being “angry”. It’s usually because she demands respect and/or prefers things to be done in a certain way. I wonder what makes this so bad? Is she supposed to be all giggly in business settings? Should she allow people to influence her to make decisions based off the feelings of others? You can judge her all you want but clearly she gets her stuff done. Whether that is with a smile or not. You can either fall in line or fall off the train. That choice is completely up to you but do not try to discredit her for it. Muva Oprah recently did an interview and dropped this little nugget (excuse the language):
See the summary of the interview here on XO Necole
You just never know what life puts some people through. There is a story behind every smile. Her “attitude” could be a defense mechanism trying to prevent more pain. You never know what triggers can set an individual off. We have to learn to try to understand first before placing judgement.
This past weekend, I attended a brunch full of empowered women of color and although I learned a lot of things, this is one lesson that stuck with me: Do not allow people to project their fears and insecurities onto you. People will try to make you feel as if your way of thinking and decisions are wrong because they are too afraid to do what you’re doing. This usually sounds like “oh, I’m scared to do that and wouldn’t if I was you”. Or “that’s not something I would do but you can do it if you want”. Anything to make you second guess yourself all because they can’t handle seeing you succeed. All because they are walking in fear and can’t understand how you’re brave enough to walk in your purpose. Stand firm in your choices regardless of who thinks you’re mean, emotional, crazy, etc. If it doesn’t work, take the lesson and use it when you move on to plans B, C, and D. Failing is always a part of the process anyway. How else are you going to find out what doesn’t work?
Remember, never let any of these shady trees dim your light. Find yourself a “bossy” tribe and flourish!