What’s up Queen City?! Gellie here with another event review.
On December 2nd, I attended Ask A Man presented by Ya Girl LG of Sex & The Queen City and Lanard Wentz of Virile. The hosts invited a panel of men to come and discuss dating, sex, and relationships strictly from a man’s point of view. There were seven men on the panel, including Lanard. Four of the seven were married, one engaged, and two were single. I feel Lauren and Lanard chose a great group of men because they were all so honest. Like, none of them held back at all. Usually, in the typical “battle of the sexes” conversations, men tend to stick to this unwritten “bro code” but not this group! Each guy spoke their mind even if it was the unpopular opinion and I loved it. With that, it made it easy to tell who was single and who wasn’t. Even if they were not introduced as such, if you were there, you would have known.
Let’s dig a little into the topics discussed…
1. Should the man pay all of the bills?
I believe the men all agreed that this depends on the situation of the couple. In today’s world, sometimes the woman makes more money in which it would be unfair to ask the man to take care of everything. Or, unemployment can definitely become the man’s situation at some point. The stress of being a provider while dealing with this can literally kill a person. This question was also asked to the women in the audience and there were a couple who stated they believe the man should pay the bills. What I did not like is that one woman was told she will be single forever because this is her belief. There are some men who still live by this standard as well so it is not impossible for this to become her reality. I do not like when anyone (especially if they’re single themselves) fixes their lips to say to anyone that their preferences will keep them single forever. There really is someone out here for everyone. Now, the other young lady who believes this should be how relationships operate kiiiiiiind of stuck her foot in her mouth when she admitted that this is not her life. She basically said her man was like………..nah. LOL.
Everyone was looking like
Bless her heart.
Her man humbled her real quick. This just goes to show that this is situational. If you want a man to pay all of your bills, find one who will or keep punching that clock sweetie. It’s not impossible though. I know women who have husbands who were raised that providing in this way is how the household is ran and there are no issues. Someone also stated that men who pay all of the bills talk to their women differently. Meaning in a disrespectful way. Not always the case. This is the importance of communication. It is probably understood that the woman keeps up the house, takes care of the children, makes sure dinner is always prepared and whatever else is agreed upon in that household. The men who use money as a way to have control are really just insecure beings with fragile egos anyway.
2. Do all men cheat?
As expected, the tension in the room started to get a little thick when Lauren dropped this question. Especially since a few of the spouses were present. It took everything in me to contain my laughter when the panel tootsie rolled all around this question to avoid getting too specific. One guy flat out said yes, all men do cheat. Another said they have all cheated at some point. There was one who said the couple has to define what cheating is to each person which is very true. Someone else said that at some point all of the lying and sneaking around gets to be too much to keep up with so you just stay on a straight path (insert an umpire yelling “SAFE” here). There was no all around consensus. Lol. Of course women and cheating was thrown into this topic because men cannot be accused of something without adding a “women do it too”. It was said that women are better cheaters but it is only because we have better side pieces. Our boyfriend #2 sits back and plays his role and isn’t doing a lot of liking and commenting on social media or texting/calling during late hours so the main never knows. (The person who said this got it from a recent meme on instagram….but whatever) LOL. I beg to differ. I believe it was Lauren who said that guys always get caught because their routine changes. I agree 100%! We notice every single thing about our man from what time you get home everyday to how long you stay in the shower to how you order your sandwich at Subway. It isn’t that we sit with a notepad and pen to study you, we just pay attention.
I was cringing at one part of the discussion on this topic. Lauren asked why is it that normally women are encouraged to take a man back after cheating but men refuse to take back their woman. The men went on and on about how emotional women are and when we cheat we actually like the guy and they cannot imagine a man doing the same things to their girl and sex is simply sex for men and blah blah blah. Chile………bye. It’s almost as if men don’t understand that women get tempted too. We can see a guy online with a 6-pack then look over at you with a 6-pack of Corona sitting on your gut and think what it would be like if he was on the couch instead. Or the fine guy that can be at Target with the million dollar smile and great conversation. Despite what many men think, there will always be someone better than you out here waiting on you to mess up just once. Then, next thing you know, your girl is gone to someone she may not have a connection to. It’s interesting to know that women are still generalized to be so weak emotionally.
3. Social Media and Relationships
In the world today, you cannot discuss cheating and not bring up social media so of course this was next. The guys in relationships seemed to agree that there are just certain pictures you cannot like and definitely won’t be any out of line commenting.
However, you cannot control what someone posts to your page. Which is true but you 1) have the right to shut it down if a chick gets out of line and 2) can’t get defensive if your lady questions you. Getting defensive makes you look guilty. Posting your mate was also discussed. This one can get a little tricky. There were some entrepreneurs on the panel who said they use their page mainly for business purposes which is understandable. Then of course you had the guys who prefer not to post about their private life which is understandable also. However, there is a very fine line between being private and being secretive. One of the panelists pretty much said that everyone who matters in his life and his mate’s life knows about their relationship. Someone else brought up that posting about your relationship online opens the door for spectators to be in your business. I agree, however, you can post without getting too personal. Last but not least, the “fake happy” posting was discussed. What I mean is the individuals who argue 23 hours of the day, 6 days of the week but post as if their relationship is perfect on social media. There was one individual who said that these couples should post the arguments too. No, they should not. My suggestion would be to not post at all. Work on fixing the issues offline then come back and “do it for the gram”. Everyone wants to be the hashtag #relationshipgoals without realizing they’re missing an actual relationship to have goals for.
That is all I have. This really was a great event. The discussion exposed some of the reasons there is so much miscommunication between men and women. Very insightful and I encourage everyone to attend the next one!
Follow Lauren and Lanard to see pictures from the last event and to make sure you won’t miss the next:
Ya Girl LG
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Until next time, see you at the next event Charlotte!